Public Display

Rene was asked to contribute to a "pop-up" art show at 1035 Market this weekend and borrowed the portrait I commissioned since he didn't have many readymade pieces in his studio that could be said to fit the theme of the show, which was a combination of art, fashion, and ephemera entitled "Man Up". We (Rene, his sister Cathy, and Renecito) went to check it out last evening. I'm glad the show is just for the weekend, because I miss the painting terribly. I have a big orange blank spot on my bedroom wall.

It's been a rather busy week. Every day I feel better and more recovered from chemo. The only thing, other than my hair, that hasn't come back yet is my energy level. I find that I still need to doze in the armchair for at least an hour every afternoon. I haven't been blogging because I've mostly just been taking care of mundane chores. However, I guess that's kind of a nice change from scheduling everything around chemo. Here's the summary of my big accomplishments this week:

• went to Kaiser optometry for an eye exam and new eyeglass prescription
  
• had lunch downtown with Kevin, picked out new glasses at Optical Underground, bought underwear
• took Violet for her dental procedure (she's fine, but we have a new vet and she is perhaps a bit ... thorough She expects me to dose Violet twice a day for two weeks with antibiotic pills. So far, she's swallowed one and spit two out. I only struggle with her so many times and then give up)
  
• went to the gallery to see my painting on public display
• had dinner at the Garcias with Holly, Della, Robert, Kevin and Emily while Rene, Cito and Cathy went to the motocross show at AT&T Park.

I think I had lunch at a restaurant every day, which afforded me the opportunity to walk, and got me out of the apartment. It's been rather chilly and rainy here and I tend to want to stay in the chair under my throw and read the letters of Virginia Woolf. However I lost most of the sensation in the sole of my left foot with this last chemo round, and I really needed to walk every day to get it to stop hurting. I think the muscles needed to get used to the lack of sensory input from the foot. Now I think everything has adjusted as much as it can. I have to be a little extra-conscious of that foot's placement when I stand and walk, but no more soreness.

Della can walk up to three steps before collapsing!

My new passport arrived!

Della Visits

Della and her parents and Aunt Cathy dropped by for a visit this afternoon (Cito had a play date). She continues to be delighted with the world in general. She's this close to walking for real. Watch out world.

I'm continuing to recover from the last chemo. Boy does my body feel beat up. I look forward to feeling less bruised all over so I can have some kind of detoxifying spa treatment with massage. Right now, I don't particularly want to be touched.

Looking forward to getting some household chores done this week, and to getting my sewing machine repaired so I can finish my new roman blinds.

New Painting

After getting home from having my blood drawn (yay, I made it all the way on the scooter and back without getting rained on!), I decided to tackle the hanging of the new painting and the subsequent necessary rearrangement of other paintings.

I'm reasonably happy with it (the rearrangement - I LOVE the painting), mainly just glad it's done.

The rain is falling again, and I'm so ready for Mexico. Too bad it's still a month away.

Hissy fits

As soon as the ugh started lifting, I came down with a cold, which, though aggravating, is not nearly as bad as experiencing chemo ugh. The cold seems to have limited its mischief to some minor nasal and chest congestion and is moving its way on out of my body.

Today's big outing was to the vet's office. Both cats were due for checkups back in December, and I just had oh, other things going on. Before leaving them in the care of sitters when I start traveling next month, I figured they should be checked out.

The cats vocalize so much that the 5-minute cab ride seems like an hour. Junie is fine. Violet, however, has a big abscess above one of her canine teeth. She is having a very expensive dental procedure under general anesthesia to address it next Friday. Since they have always detected a slight heart murmur in her, they wanted to do a cardiac sonogram before submitting her to surgery. So I waited while they performed the ultrasound. She's fine. No need for concern. Really, after this, Dame Fortune? Our household has had enough to do with medical procedures and the like for a good long while.

Of course the drama associated with a trip to the vet is never over when we get home. We've been home for 4 hours and the cats are still hissing at each other about it. Whatever Divas. Honestly!

I picked up the newly framed ersatz Mark Ryden painting today. It looks really great. However, since my using tools and moving around a lot disturbs Lady Violet, and she's had so much emotional turmoil already today, I'll wait until tomorrow to hang it.

Ugh lifting

It rained very hard and very long without interruption today, which isn't exactly conducive to my sense of well-being, but I made the best of it. Had horrible "morning sickness" today, but managed to get my laundry in to the fluff 'n fold by 9, and spent the day alternately napping, and shuffling around trying to get exercise by walking around my apartment. Good thing I don't have a downstairs neighbor at the moment.

About an hour ago, I felt that first vague sense of lift, like a cool breeze that comes after a heatwave. The ugh is departing, and I don't have to dread its return. I expect tomorrow to be a day of fatigue, but that toxic feeling I really hate is draining away.

As far as other things that make life worth living, aren't my fellow Project Runway fans so happy that the new season has started and that they are back in NYC? Do you think Heidi will ever stop pootying out Seal's babies?

Rainy Day Ugh

The rain and the ugh commenced at roughly the same time. Slept pretty well, but woke up early and could feel the bloat and the fatigue, despite which, I couldn't stay in bed.

Started puttering around the apartment and had a light breakfast. Then I noticed a break in the rain and decided to walk to Robert's. It's just a few blocks, but slightly uphill. I had some letters to drop in the mailbox and a New Yorker to drop off with him. It was slow going on the walk, and I had to sit and chat for a few minutes to get a second wind before making the trip back. I managed to get home just as the rain started up again.

I think I'm in for the day. Me and the ugh, looking out on the rain. It really isn't too bad. I think knowing it's the last makes it endurable.

Guess what showed up in yesterday's mail

That's right: my old passport, mailed Wednesday from the self-same Social Security office I visited in a panic on Monday where they claimed no knowledge of it. Came with my original 2008 W2, and my last 2009 paystub (other documents their form insisted needed to be seen in their originals, but didn't, as it turns out) and a form letter with none of the sender's information filled in in the blanks provided for it.

I scanned the form letter and emailed it to the SS employee I'd been dealing with and told her that something was broken with their system and that though in dealing with me, she had been extremely professional and courteous, her inability to find my passport when it was sitting there somewhere in her office cost me $160.00 to replace my passport, untold stress, and exposure to multiple crowded waiting rooms which is not good for chemotherapy patients. When I got out of chemo yesterday, I had a long rambling voice mail from her on my mobile, apologizing and explaining (over and over) that she had asked the person who turned out to have it point blank if she had it, and she claimed not to. She clearly didn't understand that their system of locating important personal documents shouldn't depend on some other employee being in the mood to do her job or not hating the coworker asking her a question. Ah well. I can't use this passport because it's been reported lost and I'll send it to the Passport Agency as soon as I get my replacement, but at least it's nice to know I'm safe (I hope) from identity theft from this episode.

Woke up early again today. No rain yet, so I've been able to get out for two walks, one longish and one shortish. I returned a book to the library, and had some keys duplicated for my future catsitters at Cliff's Hardware. I feel the slight beginnings of the ugh, but nothing too bad yet. Metallic taste in my mouth and the beginnings of bloat are the only things so far.

Chemo - DONE

Chemo Round 6 - Day 2

As usual on chemo days, I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. At least it was a sunny, and reasonably warm day. After breakfast, I wrote some letters and mailed some packages, then went for a long walk around the neighborhood before stopping at the herb store and at Bi-Rite for mini-meal provisions and light snacks. It was a very satisfying walk, and I didn't have to hit skip on the iPod once. :)

Vicky was my chemo buddy again today (my first repeater, I think). We had a nice visit as the poison dripped in. I went for another short walk after she dropped me home, and then had some butternut squash soup. I can feel some of the fatigue creeping in already, but the bloat hasn't started yet, which is a mercy.

17 infusions down. 1 to go!

Chemo Round 6 - Day 1

Besides laying in edible provisions, I always like to prepare for a chemo round by cleaning the apartment thoroughly and having fresh flowers and lots of scented candles in store. After yesterday's morning madness with bureaucrats, I rested up a bit, then scrubbed the bathroom and mopped the kitchen. This morning I vacuumed and dusted the rest of the place. These chores all helped restore my soul to its pre-exaperated state, and thus, today was a much better day, despite having poison drip into me all afternoon.

Bets, my boss from Walker days, was my chemo buddy today. She lives in Tomales and works a few days a week in Contra Costa, so we don't see as much of each other as we'd like to. She came early so we could have lunch at Starbelly before heading to Kaiser. After lunch, I bought these orange roses, some red ranuculi, and a few gardenia blossoms to float in small cups. My apartment prep was complete.

We were at the infusion center for a long time today (double-bag day), and I can already feel a few of the normal chemo twinges in my body. But these don't fill me with the dread I thought they would. BECAUSE IT'S THE LAST ROUND!

F**K YOU CHEMO UGH! I WAFT MY GENITALIA IN THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF YOUR AUNTIE!

Exasper-o-cracy

So far, I am not terribly impressed with 2010 (other than medically). It's just been an accumulation of minor nuisances and irritations up til now. My sewing machine broke. My computer got a virus. My computer stopped booting, after the virus was removed (some buildup of static. It's fine now).

The latest nuisance has kept me hopping the last two days. Social Security sent me forms to verify information on the disability claim submitted online by the law firm contracted by the long-term disabilty insurance company. It included instructions to mail corrected information and various other forms back to them along with my proof of ID if I did not wish to come into the local office. Since it's not good for chemo patients to be exposed to places like public transit and waiting rooms of any kind, I accepted the reassurance offered on the SS form that my passport would be returned to me, and mailed it to the local office (about 10 blocks from my apartment) along with other info containing my SS# all over it.

Saturday I got a call from someone at the local Social Security office asking for forms that had been included in that mailing, so I knew something was amiss. First thing yesterday morning, I went to the local SS office and sat in a crowded waiting room only to be told that no one there seemed to have my passport and then was even told that I needn't have mailed in ANYthing at all, not even the forms she had asked me for in her voicemail on Saturday, as the law firm had those on file. I told her it was pretty misleading to send me a form telling me to send all that in when they didn't need it. She was nice, but her pitiful explanation seemed geared to imply that it was my fault for mailing anything in, because "until the online claims are assigned, we don't know what to do with anything you mail in." (HUH??!!!!) My stupidity-intolerance hackles rose but it was clear she was just doing her job and had clearly embraced the byzantine and let go of the need for things to make sense in order to keep doing her job and stay sane. She was kind enough to give me her email address but no one at the office claimed any knowledge of the whereabouts of my passport by this morning. So either they have it and don't know it, or the post office managed to lose an envelope that only needed to go 10 blocks from the mailbox I dropped it in. (I've checked my credit reports -- no id theft yet. fingers crossed, please)

So yesterday, before my appointment with Dr. Liu, I dashed downtown to a place that does passport photos.

Here's the medical part, that only good part of 2010 I mentioned earlier: I have managed to make it through all these cycles, losing only about 9 lbs total. I have good tumor cell kill rates, going by flatness of the tumor alone. I'll have my CT scan on 2/3 so the effect of the chemo can be measured more accurately, and meet with Dr. Liu to discuss the results a week later. At this appointment, we'll discuss whether radiation is a viable treatment option. We'll do a blood test to make sure I'm not harboring an infection or kidney deficiencies before I travel to Puerto Vallarta. Then I probably won't have to see him, or any medical personnel until the beginning of April, at which point, I may start radiation, if that's an option.

So back to the annoying part:

First thing this morning, I went on Muni (germs! but I was planning on going on from there to the East Bay for a lunch date and taking BART) to the passport office the Department of State website indicated I should go to (Hawthorne and Folsom), only to be told that that office was only for people with appointments, and appointments could be gained only by people who were traveling within the next 2 weeks.

Again, a nice person, working in a screwed up bureaucracy was dealing with me, and at least I didn' t have to spend more than a few minutes in the crowded waiting room. She directed me to a passport office in "City Hall Annex", which made me wander around the outside of City Hall awhile wondering where the hell the annex was, again after taking the subway (where I witnessed public nose-picking and wiping of results from same on the seat. GERMS!). Anyway, it turns out it's not in no stinkin' annex. It's right inside the Van Ness entrance of City Hall for crying out loud. "Annex". Feh.

So, I get through the security screening, and find the mercifully empty Passport Services office and hand the gentleman my papers. He tells me I really need expedited service ($135.00 extra), since routine service couldn't guarantee delivery until the day AFTER I'm supposed to be in Puerto Vallarta. However, he can only accept a check or money order for the expediting fee. I had only cash and credit card.

I called and canceled my lunch date in Emeryville. Took Muni (more germs!) home, got my checkbook, and despite the rain, got on my scooter and drove back to the "City Hall Annex", parking right in front. From then on, it went very smoothly. I should have my new passport by 2/2.

Now I'm going to try to just breathe for the rest of the day. Mindful breathing. Or if that doesn't work, I have adivan and herbal things, like tea. Yeah, that's right, it's tea.

Busy hands are happy hands...

I guess fortune decided that since my sewing machine went on the fritz, I might as well get a trojan virus on my computer too. I spent the better part of two days on the phone with McAfee, and then ended up having to reinstall Windows anyway. I did that yesterday and it took about 12 hours before I had my computer back to normal.

In the middle of all my phone calls to McAfee, my new art organizer taboret arrived, and I was able to put it together and fill all its drawers with art supplies. It's so nice to have everything in its place.

Chemo starts up again this week. Oh how I dread it, since the ugh was so very awful (and copious) last time. The thing that will get me through it is it is the last round in the cycle, and then I get a couple of months respite from any treatment, along with some actual fun. Visits from my brothers and sister-in-law in early February, another from Kristene in March. Trips to Puerto Vallarta and New York City are already booked, and I'm confirmed in the linocut class that starts on 3/3. It will be so nice to focus on things other than feeling toxic.

Art-chester Mystery House

The Winchester mystery house in San Jose was built by a rich woman who believed a psychic who told her she wouldn't die as long as she kept adding rooms to her house. I seem to be doing the same thing with artwork.

Months ago, my friend Emily told me about an artist in Ho Chi Minh City who hand-paints reproductions of any artwork you give him. I asked her to have him reproduce a painting by one of my favorite surrealist painters, Mark Ryden. Then her work travel schedule changed drastically, and I really didn't think she'd be going to Viet Nam often enough to deal with it. She showed up at my door with it on Sunday. It's almost dot-perfect and HUGE. I am going to have to do some major rearranging of my other art to be able to hang it, but I've put off that chore by taking it to the framers down the street. The old man apparently stretches his own canvases and he had stapled it on the visible sides, so it really needed framing anyway, but I'm glad to have the time to plan for its placement.

I've been relatively busy and social since the ugh lifted. I didn't do anything on New Year's Eve. In fact, I was asleep by 10. On New Year's Day, I went to Robert's for the traditional blackeyed peas, cabbage and rice dinner. Kevin and the Garcias were there, and we had a nice quiet afternoon.

The next day, Saturday, I took down my tree. (I watched the garbage collector throw it into the chipper truck this morning from my window.) Laura visited me in the afternoon and we had a late lunch together. Sunday, Emily came over with the painting and we also had a late lunch togehter.

I was so proud of my industriousness, in that I started up the roman blind project the very next day after taking down the tree. I got one tube tape sewn on, and then the bobbin case on the machine broke. So now that project is stalled until I can get the dadgum thing fixed.

I'm trying to look beyond the last chemo infusion now, and I've actually made a few plans. I'm going to Mexico with Robert, Kevin and Marjeanne in late February for a few days of sun and sea. In early March I start a weekly linocut class with Katie Gilmartin, the artist who did my recently-purchased linocut print, and in mid-March, I go to NYC to see Sondheim's 80th birthday concert. There's a lot more I want to do, but I want to wait for the post-chemo CT scan and a frank discussion with Dr. Liu before I make firm plans for more. Until chemo is over, I really don't know how I feel, since I attribute all of my symptoms to the chemo, when some of them may be due to the cancer itself for all I know.